The Top Ten Reasons I Hate Wine - Nine, Those Colors

The colors in wine...

Wine Color Chart In Wine Humor

Wine color chart in wine wit

Wine color chart, for those who are color-challenged.

Some of you may know me from my wine articles such as “I Love Italian Wine and Food, ” similar French and German series, and my new series “A Wine Lover’s Weekly Review of $10 Wine.” It’s true; I really do love wine and food from Italy, France, Germany, and other countries as well. And who among us can reject a bargain? But I also hate wine and many aspects of the wine scene. Let me explain my top ten reasons for this love-hate relationship. Previous articles discussed the unconscionable expense, the embarrassing lack of knowledge, no wine cellar, I can’t get the … bottle opened, insomnia, food problems, wine snobs, and the smells and tastes of wine. This article discusses wine colors.

I am running very close to 100% in basic identification of reds and whites, with only an occasional error for rosés. But how on earth do people manage to describe twelve shades of red, including brick, garnet, cherry, and prune? And in the circles I run in, or try to run in, describing a white wine’s color as simply white, makes you out to be a bit of an oaf. Perhaps I should say, lout, fool, ignoramus…

It gets worse. We are told that the color unlocks the secrets of the wine’s parentage and upbringing. How often have I heard “It’s obvious to any fool that this wine can’t be a Riesling, look at its color.” To which I am tempted to reply, “But I thought that Rieslings were white wines.”

Wine color curtains in wine wit

These curtains clash with my glass contents.

You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. But you can make a white wine out of the red Zinfandel grape. And the ensuing wine undoubtedly tastes better than a silk purse, or a sow’s ear. But, and this is going on faith, having never gnawed on a silk purse or a sow’s ear, not much better. Yes, I do recall the one and only time I sampled a White Zinfandel. Actually my wife, who is no wine lover, knew immediately what the unfortunate result would be. She said that it looked like Kool-Aid. But it didn’t taste as good.

Here are the other reasons that I hate wine, to be explored shortly: Home brew, One more problem and yes, The Solution.

About the Author

Levi Reiss has authored or co-authored ten books on computers and the Internet, but to be honest, he would rather just drink fine Italian or other wine, accompanied by the right foods. He teaches classes in computers at an Ontario French-language community college. His wine websites include    and

Visit his website devoted to Italian travel

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