The Top Ten Reasons I Hate Wine - Two, The Embarrassing Lack Of Knowledge

Can you identify the grapes in a wine?...

Identifying Grapes In Wine Humor

Torrontes grapes in wine wit

Torrontes grapes make fine wine that some can readily identify.

Some of you may know me from my wine articles such as “I Love Italian Wine and Food, ” similar French and German series, and my new series “A Wine Lover’s Weekly Review of $10 Wine.” It’s true; I really do love wine and food from Italy, France, Germany, and other countries as well. And who among us can reject a bargain? But I also hate wine and many aspects of the wine scene. Let me explain my top ten reasons for this love-hate relationship.

The unconscionable expense was already discussed in article one of this series. Reason number two is The embarrassing lack of knowledge: Not long ago one member enlivened our wine-tasting group by asking us to identify a white wine in a blind tasting. First, I guessed that it was a Viognier. Wrong. Then I proposed Gewuertztraminer. Wrong again. I can name white wine varieties until the cows come home, especially if I get a late start, but unfortunately that wasn’t the objective. One member correctly identified the variety on her first shot; it was a South American Torrontes. That might have been my thirty-seventh guess. Let me salvage my pride by informing all and sundry that I have definitely heard of Torrontes grapes and even tasted Torrontes wine. (Maybe I would be better off by pretending that I never previously tasted this grape.) I even know that it comes from South America. And, just to keep the record straight, she didn’t tell us and probably couldn’t tell us if the grapes came from the south side of the field. But then again neither could I.

Once upon a time a prospective wine expert would learn a series of rules, such as white wine goes with fish, fine French wines are X…while fine California wines are Y… and that was that. Actually, like most nostalgia, the international wine situation was never quite so simple. But keeping up with today’s wine world is markedly more complicated, even in comparison with the previous decade. Dozens of countries have the gall to produce excellent wines in a multitude of styles. Sometimes I just wish they would stop innovating and give me a few decades to catch up.

Here are the other reasons: No wine cellar, I can’t get the … bottle opened, The insomnia, Food problems, Wine snobs, Those smells and those tastes, Those colors, Home brew, One more problem and yes The Solution.

About the Author

Levi Reiss has authored or co-authored ten books on computers and the Internet, but to be honest, he would rather just drink fine Italian or other wine, accompanied by the right foods. He teaches classes in computers at an Ontario French-language community college. His wine websites include    and

Visit his website devoted to Italian travel

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